Around July of 2011, I was asking that very question. I had just finished what was a very successful year in business. I was asked to take on more in my work and relocate to a new town. All the while, I was feeling a bit empty. My wife and I went to Alexandria, Louisiana to explore what later became a defining moment in our life. On the last day we sat across from each other at this little diner, which had become our favorite hangout. We both felt something wasn't right about this opportunity. We went back home and declined to go through with it. Well this left me with an utter discontent.
After hearing a great sermon on fasting, I felt compelled to enter into a media fast. I absurdly asked my entire family to cut out television, internet, video games, for at least 40 days; I am proud to say we lasted 14. Now before you judge our resolve, we found it really difficult at first. I remember telling my wife, "I now know what it is like to be dependent on something." I was even craving it like it was air or something. My wife did a wonderful job keeping my distraction with card playing or long walks. I even tried to journal my thoughts during the fast, but I am a baby when it comes to using such primitive tools as a pen and paper.
After my brain passed through entertainment detox, I realized how loud God was screaming at me. It was almost as if my life had been filled with white noise, and about day 14 I found the off button. God was telling me the answer to my question, but I was too busy in my world to listen.
In Luke 9:24, Jesus was teaching the crowds about discipleship. In this verse He states, "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it."
That scripture was what He was trying to get through to me. I just wish I hadn't wandered around for so long on my own trying to figure it all out.
I had been raised in church all my life, so this wasn't an unfamiliar passage. However, I wasn't real good at giving up control unless it logically made sense.
After I responded with a "Fine! I'm done! I give up!", He said I was to quit my job and go into full-time ministry. Of course this brought on a ton of questions, many which I couldn't answer. I met with my pastor the following week, and he had advised me to stay at my job. He felt I had a mission field at my work, and I could pastor my employees. This answer didn't sit well with me either.
I had lived my life my way for so long, my wife was so fed up with my selfish decisions, that even she couldn't help. So I went back to my pastor, and restated what I thought was God's message, and he didn't know how to help me. I was so frustrated!! Isn't this what pastors get trained for? After meeting several more times with him, he told me of a vision trip to London, England. Our church was going to explore mission opportunities over there. He told me he didn't have any answers for me but maybe God would show me on this trip. Well just great!! Not only did I receive little clarity, but now I have to travel 4,000 miles to get it.
That afternoon, I sat down with my wife and told her what had happened. I asked what she thought about me going to London. I nearly fell out of my chair when her response was, "I think you should go."
God never asks you to do something that He hasn't already prepared the way for you to go. All He requires is one step in front of the other. Let Him order your steps, and guide your path.
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
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